In our “Creating Spectacular Relationships” program, we walk our clients through 46 days of principles and activities that are designed specifically to teach people how to create truly amazing relationships. And it doesn’t matter if you are in a good relationship or a struggling one, these principles and activities work regardless of whether our clients are in a relationship that is headed for divorce, or if they are a couple who already has a good relationship but they would like to make it even better…… SPECTACULAR even.
However, I will admit that when starting out, there are some individuals that are a bit intimidated by the number of days involved in the program. Perhaps that is because of the thought of having 46 days’ worth of principles and things to do to make your marriage fantastic sounds overwhelming. To which I would have to agree. Fortunately, as valuable as each day/activity/principle is, not every one of them will have an equal impact on what it will take to make your relationship amazing. Chances are, that even though each principle will undoubtedly improve your relationship, there will likely be only a select handful that will be the game changers for you. This is because although we all have the same basic foundational needs, the way that we meet them is different. This creates then, a variety of variables that make a relationship what it is, and what things will have the greatest impact. Knowing this, the quest then (and our job) is to help you identify and reveal which handful of principles will be the particular game changers for you in your relationship.
That being said, I also think that there are a few principles that are FOUNDATIONAL for all fantastic marriage relationships. They are absolute MUSTS for every relationship if you truly want to make it SPECTACULAR. Notice that I didn’t say that these are necessary for any relationship to work or qualify as a “good” marriage for some people. The only thing that is actually really NEEDED for a marriage to “work” is just to not get divorced. If you never divorce, you will have successfully stayed married. However, I think that what most people mean when they refer to making a marriage work is actually finding a way to stay married, and also be fairly content or happy in that marriage. This type of goal takes a bit more than simply having a commitment to never be divorced. This type of goal means that you have to have the knowledge and ability to create happiness for yourself and for your spouse.
This type of marriage, however, seems to be becoming more of a unicorn in today’s world. If you were to look around at the couples that you see today, or think back to some of the relationships that you saw growing up, how many of them do you think had a really happy marriage vs how many do you feel either survive it or simply “make it work”? And of that number, do you think that this number is increasing or decreasing?
Now, let’s take it up one additional level. How many people nowadays do you see people really THRIVING in their marriage or family environment? How many of them do you see that is really filled with both LOVE and great PASSION for one another? This is even more unheard of.
Yet, when you compare this to any other area of our lives, it makes you question why. Why is it that in a society where we are ever making improvements and progress in our understanding of how things work, and in our ability to make things even better, we are actually getting worse results in our relationships? Is it because despite all of our advancements in the world we still don’t understand what it takes to make a happy marriage? No. Over the past several decades, just like everything else, we have made vast improvements in our knowledge and understanding of human biology, psychology, and human behavior. We know exactly what people need, which gives us the exact formula on how to not only make your marriage work but make it beyond amazing. What truly baffles me is how many of us still seem to struggle in our marriage relationships, despite the fact that nowadays we absolutely have all of the information that we need in order to know how to make our relationships truly amazing!! Not just “good”, but wonderful. The kind of wonderful that deep inside I think we all know and sense is possible if we just could figure out the key to unlocking it. I mean honestly, who doesn’t want to have a life full of love, depth, passion, intimacy, playfulness, support, laughter, connection, desire, and magic. The only thing that I can think of that would stop anyone from wanting to create this type of relationship for themselves is either they don’t really think that this type of marriage is actually possible, or despite the fact that we, as a society, have the information available to us, they, themselves, don’t have the knowledge of or ability of how to do it.
So the question and opportunity facing you today are this. Do you want to be one of the few that learns how to have a truly SPECTACULAR marriage? One that is filled with both love and passion DESPITE how many years you have been together? Would you like to have the type of relationship that has energy, passion, love, connection, fulfillment, friendship, respect, appreciation, admiration, and fun? If you answered YES, then you are going to want to keep an eye out for our blog or better yet, go to our website at www.creatingspectacular.com and sign up for our newsletter over the next couple of weeks because we are going to be discussing the top FOUNDATIONAL principles for anyone to have a SPECTACULAR RELATIONSHIP one by one.
Here’s a quick look at some of the principles we will be covering.
- Having an attitude of gratitude (learning to develop, feel and express your appreciation, and admiration for your life and your spouse).
- Thinking we – not me (I promise, this will bring A whole new understanding of commitment)
- Meeting your spouses’ needs
- (Note- These are not wanted. They are needs that absolutely have to be met. Biological, psychological, and individual needs and you must also have the understanding that they are absolutely different for men vs. women, and per individual). *By the way, If you do not already know these, you absolutely need to.
- Understanding the differences in your and your spouse’s needs for love vs. attraction or passion. Many people think that it is normal for the initial attraction that they feel for a spouse to fizzle out over the years and that there is nothing you can do about it. However, that is simply not true. What they don’t realize is that they have stopped running their strategies to create passion or attraction and are not just running the strategies that create love.
- Showing up with energy and enthusiasm (Giving them your Presence, or in other words giving them the best of you, not the rest of you).
There may also be one or two more that we may decide to also include, but these are by far the most important.
I also want to mention that if by chance you were reading through that list above and you said to yourself “oh, I already do that”, the way that you are able to really measure if you are really doing them is if you already have the type of truly amazing marriage that I described above. Because, although I think that many of us do some of the above, the only way we really know if we are doing it EFFECTIVELY is if we are in fact getting the results.
So if you don’t already have the type of relationship described above, the type of relationship that “has energy, passion, love, connection, fulfillment, friendship, respect, appreciation, admiration, and fun”, and you want to see for yourself that it really is possible, and even learn how to do it yourself, then be sure to like or watch for our next series of blogs entitled : Foundational Principles for Creating Spectacular Relationships.