In the world we live in today, many women have become very proud of their ability to be “an independent woman”. We have strived to achieve on our own, and climb our own ladders of success. As women there is no doubt that we are very pleased at our accomplishments. However, many women are finding that when we get to the end of the day we feel as though something is missing. Despite the pride that we feel from having successfully “done it on our own” deep down, we know that this feeling of “success” is only partially satisfying. This is because deep in our core, what we truly want as women is love and connection. Yet, when was the last time doing things that made us feel like a successful “independent” woman brought us more love and connection?
The truth is that pursing “independence” as a goal gives us exactly that… Independence. Although it does create a safety net for being able to make it on our own, it also sends an underlying message to any potential partners that we ultimately don’t need them, don’t trust them and we have actually prepared ourselves for a life without them. Over time, this underlying attitude and autonomy has weakened and almost completely diminished our ability to maintain rewarding, satisfying, lifelong committed relationships. Not to mention the emptiness we carry in our hearts, nor the tragic, and destructive impact that being told “we do not need you” has on a man’s soul.
At the core of this breakdown in our ability to find harmonious relationships, and keep them together, is our lack of ACKNOWLEDGING and APPRECIATING true gender differences in one another, and in our inability to recognize how these differences are an ABSOLUTE ESSENTIAL piece to creating long lasting, satisfying relationships. Instead of celebrating and appreciating these differences, for decades now society has been highlighting the negative sides of both genders making women feel “at risk” or subservient for being a woman and making men feel bad or wrong for their masculinity.
Even today, much of the media is found emphasizing the negative stereotypes of a male abuser and female victim, creating complete mistrust in one another. For so long, femininity has been portrayed as subservient, not as valuable, or weak. While masculinity has been viewed as either superior, more valuable, or abusive, overbearing or barbaric. As women we either don’t trust men, or feel like we need to become one in order to survive. Men on the other hand have expressed that they feel like they are bad or wrong for their masculine nature, or feel completely unwanted, and unneeded by the women they truly desire to please.
As we continue to buy into these perceived flaws of our different genders, it is not surprising to see that many men and women have turned their backs on one another, as well as their own natural and unique gender qualities. More and more men and women are becoming angry, protective and antagonistic towards one another. Yet, at the same time, more and more women are completely abandoning the gifts that make us feminine women in an effort to become more like men, and more and more men are shunning their own masculinity and are choosing to become more like women. The result has been a frustrating, blurring devaluation of both genders, leaving men and women questioning their own purpose, and leaving couples to either empty, bland passionless relationships or to becoming completely adversarial and competitive.
If we do not put a stop to this behavior and begin to ACKNOWLEDGE and APPRECIATE these core gender differences or what creates “polarity” in a relationship, we will continue to create a de-polarized, unisex society, causing great frustration, anger, dissatisfaction, emptiness and lack of passion, disabling our ability to feel true fulfillment as men and women as well as develop and sustain long term relationships.
While society and media may have used fear to influence the way we have previously viewed our gender differences, it is important to note that Mother Nature has imbedded these differences in our biology, making them part of who we are at our core. These differences have existed inside of us for over hundreds of thousands of years. Therefore, despite any of our own societal or fear based efforts to darken or close the gap on our gender differences, Mother Nature has ensured that these distinctions will not be ignored. Our gender differences do not make us unequal. They make us different. Different in a way that continues to demonstrate itself as an essential piece to our overall happiness and survival.
This is not to say that it is “wrong” for any woman to seek “success” or pursue any and all of life’s possibilities. Each and every one of us has unique value and gifts that we offer the world. What is important, however, is to identify whether or not we are pursuing these things because they are the inspired nature of our hearts, or if we are doing it out of fear or because it is what we have been told we must do to protect ourselves. The motivation behind why we do what we do matters, and ultimately it will determine the level of our fulfillment and happiness. Everyone knows that happiness is never found when we are striving to merely protect ourselves.
It is when we are able to see and appreciate the true gifts of our gender differences, and embrace these characteristics in ourselves that we will be able to keep the fullness and color of our souls. It is when we learn to accentuate, highlight, celebrate and trust the gifts in each other that we re-open the door to satisfying, passionate, long term relationships, which will lead to the ultimate fulfillment that both men and women are truly seeking to find at their core.
To learn more about how re-establishing polarity and appreciation in relationships is helping couples restore, strengthen and re-ignite their marriages, or to learn how to do this in your own marriage, go to our business or personal facebooks: Creating Spectacular, or Alonzo Cahoon or Rebecca Cahoon, or you can go directly to www.creatingspectacular.com to see options for our complete Creating Spectacular relationship program.