Let me first start off by saying that just typing the title of this blog post makes me cringe because, at this point in my life, there is no way that I would ever want to settle for just “making my marriage work”. After having reached a point in my marriage where I get to experience and live a relationship that is not just great, but truly magical, passionate, intimate and everything else a girl could dream about, learning how to just “make it work” seems like such a low-level goal. However, the reason I did decide to go with that heading is that I also know that “learning how to make a marriage work” is where a lot of you are right now if you are reading this blog. And I don’t’ say that from a place of judgment. I say that from a place of complete understanding, because believe it or not, I have been there too, so I absolutely get it.
Honestly, I think that most of us (except for maybe some that came from the lucky perfect family club), have been in a place at least at one point in our lives where we would be happy if we could just learn how to make our marriages work. Because of the fact that our personal relationships bring us so much strong emotion that they are often our greatest sources of pleasure or our greatest areas of pain when our relationships are not working, just getting out of pain can seem like paradise in itself.
However, I am here to tell you that not only is it possible to learn how to make your marriage work, but it is also possible to make your marriage absolutely amazing… spectacular even, no matter how long you have been married. And I highly recommend that anyone who may have such a desire put forth the necessary effort to learn how to do so. I mean who wouldn’t want to live their own fairytale every single day? And for those of you who may have already given up on this dream, and are now skeptical, let me just say that no I am not delusional (or at least no more than anyone else in the world). I am just a gal who has invested the last two decades of my life studying psychology and human behavior as well as relationships and the various needs of men and women. This understanding has enabled me and my amazing husband to help countless individuals and couples learn how we operate as human beings, as well as what we all need as people and from one another in our relationships. Once you understand these various needs within all of us, it easily transports us from just “making our marriages work” to a place where we live in “Spectacular”.
So let’s get down to why you are hereby giving you some tangible principles that you can immediately apply to your life and your marriage that if you implement will begin to get you results right away. Because just like anything in life, Spectacular Marriages do not just happen, they are made.
Principle number #1 – To making your Marriage Spectacular
Begin to notice what is right in your life and in your marriage instead of noticing all that is wrong.
If you want to be miserable in life, there are three sure-fire ways to do it. First, is to focus all of your attention on the things that are wrong in your life instead of being grateful for all that is right. This principle applies to your relationship too. The truth is that all of our relationships have things that we could be grateful for if we wanted to, but chances are if we are struggling in our marriage we have been focusing for too long and too much on the areas of conflict or that we are not happy with. Doing this repeatedly can almost guarantee you a miserable marriage for both you and your spouse. Which is why it is such an important principle to begin changing.
To create a marriage that works, each of us must begin by seeing and appreciating all of the pieces of our relationship and lives that are working and giving more focus to these areas than we do to the areas that we would like to improve or change. We must recognize that all relationships have things that we love and things that we don’t and it is the ones that we give the most focus to that will become our experience. So we then get to make a choice. If we decide that we want to make our marriages work, we must begin by changing the way we see our relationships and the various challenges or struggles that we encounter in it.
To help you do this, take out a piece of paper and for the next 15-30 minutes writing down all of the things that you can think of that you are grateful for about your spouse. Write down everything that they do that you appreciate and that you are grateful for about them. If you find this difficult to do, this is a sure sign that you have been giving too much attention to the things that you don’t like about your spouse rather than what you could be grateful for should you decide to develop an Attitude of Gratitude in life.